


It just wasn't

by Pandastuff101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Soulmates, angst 'nthings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-13 14:29:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10515636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandastuff101/pseuds/Pandastuff101
Summary: Based off of a soulmate prompt where if your soul mate seems to be an unrequited love, you die.





	1. It Can't Be

_It just wasn’t fair._ This was the only thought in Cas’ mind as he looked back on his life and thought about how every decision he had made had led him...here. There was no stopping it, he couldn’t spin the wheel back and kill a butterfly because, apparently, this was his fate.

Well, fate was an ass-butt.

Castiel crumpled up the tissue, spotted red with specks of blood, and threw it into the trash without much more of a ceremony. It was the world he lived in.

You find the one you were meant to be with, and if your soulmate doesn’t return your affections, you’re done for. You waste away. Unrequited love is the deadliest of all poisons, and Cas was going to fall to it.

He shook himself.

 _Focus. There's still work to be done yet, Castiel._ He reprimanded.  

Work was a sorry excuse to take Cas’ mind off of the whole _dying_ thing, especially since he spent most of the day waiting for things to print. He was in the middle of printing the company's latest score when one Dean Winchester approached him.

Just looking at him made Cas’ heartache. Dean’s sandy blond hair was ruffled as though he had just rolled out of bed, but his eyes sparkled with enough energy to electrocute Castiel from yards away.  

“Heya Cassy!” Dean called, his grin wide and _fucking perfect_.

Cas ducked his head, and Dean frowned.

“Are you okay man? You seem a little out of it?” his voice was filled with genuine concern, and made Cas want to get out of that room and run as fast as he could out of the break room, out of the office, out of his workplace, and out of Dean Winchester’s life in general.

He couldn’t though. Not just because he would be fired (though, he had to wonder if it really mattered at this point) but because once the poison entered your system, it quadrupled the already present feelings. There was no way Castiel could leave Dean without wanting to just run back to him.

“I’m fine, Dean.” Cas swallowed, and looked up without meeting Dean’s green eyes, “I’m just a little tired, I suppose.”

Dean wasn’t satisfied with his answer. He grabbed Cas chin, and though the action itself wasn't rough, he winced when their eyes met.

Dean’s voice was soft and patient as he repeated, “Hey. What’s wrong.”

It took a lot of strength, but Cas pulled away from the green eyes that ensnared him. He felt his blood, hot in his veins, and knew he must have been blushing like a schoolgirl.

The printer spit out the last page that Cas needed, and he grabbed it and it’s siblings and stacked them neatly in his arms. With a straight back, like he was a soldier headed off to war instead of a sales manager back to his desk, Cas nodded to Dean.

“I appreciate your concern, but I must be going now.”

He pushed past Dean, their shoulders accidentally brushing. Cas’ hair stood on end, and he closed his eyes briefly.

As soon as he was seated, Cas took out another tissue and coughed into it.


	2. If We Were Endgame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this sucks. So that I have a chance of this thing actually posting, I'm creating a d-MIND MY LANGUAGE BUT HOOOLLLY SHIT IT WORKED. If you have the same problem I did, where a chapter isn't posting, note that (apparently) AO3 doesn't post emojis! FINALLY HERE IT IS YOU AWESOMESAUCES!

**DeanW: Heya Cas, I've got something to cheer you up**

**Castiel: O?**

**DeanW: Yep my old friend mr booze**

**Castiel: I do not dink, Dean**

**Castiel: *drink**

**DeanW: I'm coming over anyways we can figure something out**

Castiel read Dean's latest message, his brain racing as it tried to find the words to turn him down. And Cas _had_ to turn Dean down. Right now, he was surrounded by bloody, wadded up tissues. A small trail of blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth. Castiel barely had the strength to return Dean's texts, let alone clean up his apartment.

**Castiel: (.....)**

Cas' fingers hovered over the screen of his phone. _Think of something,_ he urged to himself. He started to type nonsense as he felt another cough rise in his throat. He didn't have time to grab a tissue before he was doubled over, coughing so violently he was sure his throat was being ripped to shreds. When the fit had passed, his hands were covered in fresh blood.

There was miniature hearts in the blood, Valentine's decorations for a mouse. A shiver ran down Cas' spine when he saw them.

It was starting. _The end_ was starting.

Another cough rose in him, and he fell on his side as it racked his body. Tears slipped down Cas' face, and he weakly tried to claw for his phone. He coughed again, renewing the blood at the corner of his mouth.

_No. NO I don't want to-die. Dean. Don't want to die. Please, someone I don't-_

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE." Castiel tried to scream, but it was not but a hoarse whisper.

He whimpered.

His phone was buzzing. Dean was calling him. Cas dearly wished he could answer, but all he could do at the moment was curl up in the fetal position and let the blood and tears mix on his chin.

After a minute, the buzzing stopped.

 _what kind of being did this to me why does ANYONE deserve this? Anna warned you to not fall in love and you should’ve listened. Dean Winchester with his hair and his eyes and his jokes and smile and_ Dean Winchester _. It was almost worth it._

Cas closed his eyes. He could feel Unrequited Love ( _Belladonna of poisons,_ he thought) working it’s way through his body. It slid through his veins like a snake in a pipe, working efficiently to erase the life from him.

 _What will it be? Just a breath or a failed heartbeat or will it take a thousand years in a span of a second for me to die? Drawn out and_ painful? Cas grimaced, and unsuccessfully tried not to cough again.

The hearts that came up, he noticed, were clean.

He wondered if the hearts _were_ the poison. If he could cough up enough of them, would he live?

There was a sort of ringing in his ear ( _But it seems more like angels singing-_ ) and a pounding on the door.

"Cas? You in there?"

Castiel raised his head, “D-dean,” he called hoarsely. Hearing Dean’s voice resurged him just a little...and for a just a moment. His head fell back to the floor, and Castiel willed himself not to pass out for surely if he did...that would be _the end._

There was more pounding on his door, and then it was replaced by shuffling and the sound of keys. Cas had almost forgotten that Dean had his own keys to Cas’ apartment.

_When did I give him those?_

Cas’ thoughts were getting fuzzy. He pulled himself into a tighter ball, shivering violently and wishing that his trenchcoat would warm him up.

The door swung open, and Dean rushed in.

“Cas? Cas! Oh, no, man what’s happening?!” Dean asked in a panic.

Cas tried to smile, but it was a grimace instead. Dean dropped onto his knees next to Cas, placing a hand on his side.

“Who is it?” Dean said urgently, picking Cas’ head up with his free hand. Cas turned his head away, and spit blood out of his mouth.

“No…”

“Cas! Dammit tell me! Tell me so we can get them here and _make_ them fall in love with you!” Dean’s voice cracked, and he huffed. His thumb swiped across Cas’ cheek, wiping away a tear on it’s way.

 _Let me be near you,_ Cas silently begged, _don’t make me ruin these moments for us. Please just let me keep you in these moments. If I_ tell _you, you’ll leave._

“This...is...endgame.” Cas rasped, pushing Dean’s hand away gently, before correcting with a stronger, “This is my endgame.”

“There’s no such thing.” Dean whispered. He put Castiel’s head in his lap, and Cas let himself look into the green, green, green eyes.

Cas could barely hear anything, now, except for his own heartbeat. Everything moved slowly, and every movement felt like that of a relaxed dream. When he spoke, though, his words were clearer than the bells on his church.

“It is for u-me.”

A tear, _Dean’s tear_ , fell on Cas’ cheek. Dean wiped it away.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. Please Castiel don’t do this- _don’t say that._ ”

Cas gasped, and his eyes sharpened.

“D-Dean-”

Dean didn't answer. He kissed Castiel, and Cas’ world relaxed. Everything sped up, back to normal and when it did he thought it was going _to_ fast. He sat up slowly, keeping Dean close to him and their frantic, scared lips together. The poison retreated from his veins, and Cas felt it rise out of him like steam from a pot _or something._ Cas was too busy to come up with a good analogy. Dean’s lips weren't like he imagined, not soft and warm but rough and skilled.  

When Dean pulled away, he supported Cas with an arm around his back.

“ _I’m_ your endgame.” he said fiercely, cupping Cas’ face. Neither of them had stopped crying, but it was more in relief now.

“I won’t forget that,” Cas murmured before Dean pulled him in close once again.


	3. When Time Wasn’t Enough

Dean Winchester didn’t believe in  _ love _ . At least, he believed he could go his whole life without. It would be easier to. Love was dangerous, and Dean wanted to  _ enjoy _ his life while he still had it.

He grew up in Lawrence, Kansas, practically raising his little brother.  _ Family _ was the only kind of love he allowed into his life. He didn’t leave his home town, like quite a few people tried. Dean knew it would always be where he returned to, anyways.

Sam, his brother, left as quick as he could.

Dean took up work at a small local business. What he did, who he worked for, all that was insubstantial because he knew one day he would start up his own machine shop and would become his own boss. Everything in between felt like just a filler chapter.

His first day, heck, his first six months on the job were uneventful. 

Those were the months before Castiel Novak moved to Lawrence. 

Dean literally ran into the raven-haired man on Cas’ first day. In Dean’s defense, he was carrying a stack of paper so high he couldn’t see what he was walking towards. Everyone else scurried out of his way, but Castiel was in a hurry himself.

Dean’s papers flew everywhere, and he cursed. 

“I-I’m so s-sorry!” Castiel stuttered, dropping to his knees to try and help.

“It’s no big deal,” Dean said, looking up. Castiel raised his head, and their eyes met. 

Dean tried not to concentrate on how stunningly blue Cas’ eyes were. Or how his heart sped up in his chest.

“Here.” Cas said, giving Dean the papers he had collected.

His fingers touch Dean’s for just a second, accidentally, of course, and Dean felt like a spark was dancing across his skin.

_ Quelch it. It’s no big deal,  _ he thought to himself.

Cas ducked his head, “Sorry.”

“You apologize a lot.”

Castiel looked up at him, silently frowning. Dean laughed.

“Dean Winchester. I would shake your hand, but…”

The blue eyed man nodded, “Castiel Novak. I just moved here.”

“Oh? Where?”

Cas shifted, “Um,  _ Jean’s Apartment Block. _ Apartment four.” he paused for a second, before adding, “Yeah, if you were a murderer I’d be in trouble.”

Dean laughed.

“Do you need any help moving in? Like, unpacking boxes and stuff?”

Castiel eyed his curiously, and Dean raised his hands to placate him.

“Not a murderer, I promise. Just trying to be friendly.” he said with a grin.

Cas’ shoulders relaxed, “I would like that. I have an extra key, if you want.”

“Yeah, sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Some of you requested I add this, so that was part one of Dean's POV.


	4. Wouldn't it ever be enough

From then on, it was like Dean couldn't remember the time before Cas. The raven haired man became such a permanent fixture in his life that when Dean tried to remember a time he hadn't been there, his mind just added Castiel back in. 

Cas was nearing his seventh week at the office. Usually, they would meet for coffee in the morning for just a few minutes to just say 'hi'. At least, Dean would wait for Castiel to arrive, and then would proceed to pull him aside and pour him a cup of coffee. Cas didn't seem to mind, even though it took a few minutes out of his work day. 

Dean liked to complain that Cas was a workaholic. 

That day, however, Cas didn’t seem that excited to go through their routine. When he showed up, his face was pale, drawn and tired. Dean didn’t comment, he just handed Castiel his coffee (full of sugar and cream, the complete opposite of Dean’s black espresso) and began to talk his ear off. Cas nodded along as he usually did, coughing into his sleeve a little bit every now and then.

Dean noticed how his eyebrows drew together every time he did, and wondered if Castiel had a cold.

They finished their coffees and parted ways.  

Dean took an early lunch break. Well, earlier than usual. He never really let himself be consumed by his work, per say. 

Castiel was in the break room, printing some kind of graph. If possible, he looked even worse than before. He was muttering to himself, too, though Dean wasn’t sure he was aware of the fact.

Something about work? 

Dean plastered a fake smile on his face, “Heya Cassy!”

Castiel turned around, his eyes widening at the sight of Dean. It took him a bit to regain his composure, and when he did, he looked down at his shoes.

Dean frowned.

“Are you okay man? You seem a little out of it.”

Castiel finally looked up, but he still wouldn’t Dean’s eyes. Instead, he seemed to find a little spot above Dean’s head and focused on it.

_ Fuck, even his eyes are tired, _ Dean thought.

“I’m fine, Dean. I’m just a little tired, I suppose.”

Well, that was a shitty answer. Dean grabbed Castiel’s chin, though not roughly.

He tried to make his voice as soothing as possible as he said, “Hey. What’s wrong.”

Their eyes met, and Dean stared into Cas’ like he would be able to find his answer there. He couldn’t, though, and Cas pulled away, his face flushing. 

Behind them, the printer finished it’s work. Cas rushed over and hastily grabbed his pages. Dean watched him, his arms hanging limp at his sides. When Castiel turned around, his back was straight and his jaw set.

“I appreciate your concern, but I must be going now.” he said stiffly.

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but nothing escaped. Cas pushed past him, their shoulders touching briefly. 

Dean turned his head so he could watch Cas go, and worry for his friend filled his heart.

He didn’t see Castiel at work for the rest of the day. After a quick dinner of Stop-N-Shop fried chicken, Dean lounged on his couch. All he could think about was Cas, and what was wrong with him. If he had a cold, Dean could bring him soup, or something. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Why was Castiel avoiding him?   
He took out his phone, and contemplated it. His knee bounced up and down as he did so. 

He turned it on, and opened his contacts.

**DeanW: Heya Cas, I've got something to cheer you up**

It was an anxious minute before Cas replied with a simple,

**Castiel: O?**

**DeanW: Yep my old friend mr booze**

As soon as he had sent the message, Dean winced. It sounded so childish.

**Castiel: I do not dink, Dean**

**Castiel: *drink**

Dean laughed out loud. Even when texting, Cas managed to find a way to sound formal.

**DeanW: I'm coming over anyways we can figure something out**

Cas didn’t reply, but the  **(...)** lingered like he was typing something. Dean waited...and waited, for Castiel’s reply, but there was none. He bit his lips, and wondered if he would sound to desperate by calling him.

Fuck it, he figured if Cas  _ did _ answer he could just pretend that he had forgotten the way to his house.

He pressed the call button and waited some more. To his horror, there was still no answer.

“Damnit, Cas…” he cursed, jumping to his feet.

He didn’t bother to throw on a jacket, he just raced to his car. It was dark as pitch outside, now. Still, the road was lit by the streetlamps. Their light flashed over his car every few seconds, like checkpoints in a video game.

Did that make him Mario and Castiel Princess Daisy?

He raced up the steps to Cas’ apartment, and it didn’t calm his heart any to find that the door was unlocked. Dean pounded on the door.

“Cas? You in there?”

There was no answer, so he let himself in. The house was dark. Dean ran his hand along the wall, and his fingertips brushed the light switch. 

In front of him, he heard a hoarse whisper call his name.

He turned on the overhead lights to see Cas lying on the floor, a few wadded up tissues beside him. He was curled up in a little ball, shaking. Dean’s heart stopped.

“Cas? Cas! Oh, no, man what’s happening?” Dean asked, even though he knew. The bastard had been stupid enough to fall in love.

Castiel tried to smile, but it looked painful. Dean was at his side immediately, his heart overcoming his mind. He put a hand on Cas’ side.

“Who is it?” he urged, putting a hand on Cas’ cheek.

Cas looked away, and spat out some of the blood in his mouth. He closed his eyes, and Dean felt the strange urge to slap him.

_ How could he be so stupid? Damnit! _

“Cas! Dammit tell me! Tell me so we can get them here and make them fall in love with you!” Dean’s voice cracked, and he huffed. He swiped his thumb across Cas’ cheek, wiping away a tear on it’s way.

Cas grabbed his arm, another tear replacing the one Dean had wiped away. He shook his head.

“This...this is endgame.” he rasped, finally opening his eyes. The were the same lovely blue that Dean found himself strangely entranced by, but it was like the light was fading from them. 

Dean wouldn’t let that happen. He  _ couldn’t _ let that happen. Selfishly.

Cas let go of Dean’s hand, and pushed it away softly, “This is my endgame.”

Dean felt his throat close up, and his eyes burn.

“There’s no such thing,” he whispered, shaking his head.

He shifted, and gently put Castiel’s head in his lap. Dean stroked Castiel’s raven hair, and tired not to think about how quickly the light kept fading from his ocean eyes…

“It is for u-me.” 

A tear fell from Dean’s eyes and onto Cas’ cheek. 

_ Stupid, stupid. How could  _ I _ be so stupid? _

“S-sorry,” he said, wiping it away, “Please, Castiel, don’t do this- _ don’t say that. _ ”

_ Stupid, stupid _ . Dean knew what he wanted to do was stupid, stupid. Castiel was dying and Dean was selfish, but if he had two minutes, heck, five seconds left with him, he was going to be selfish damnit.

He didn’t see Cas’ eyes sharpen, or hear him gasp.

He kissed him.

Castiel’s lips were soft, but it felt like Dean was kissing a live wire.

Except it was nice.

A live wire wouldn’t be nice. The same sparks would dance across his skin, but his lips wouldn’t be met so eagerly and it wouldn’t make Dean feel like he had been floating his whole life, and had suddenly been brought back down to Earth. 

He pulled away, hating that he was still crying.

“ _ I’m  _ your endgame.” 

Cas put a hand on his cheek and murmured, “I won’t forget that.”


End file.
